1. Godfather, The (1972)
2. Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)
3. Godfather: Part II, The (1974)
4. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003)
5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
6. Casablanca (1942)
7. Schindler's List (1993)
8. The Seven Samurai (1954)
9. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)
10. Citizen Kane (1941)
11. Star Wars (1977)
12. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
13. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
14. Rear Window (1954)
15. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
16. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
17. Memento (2000)
18. Usual Suspects, The (1995)
19. Pulp Fiction (1994)
20. North by Northwest (1959)
21. Amelie (2001)
22. Psycho (1960)
23. 12 Angry Men (1957)
24. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
25. Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)
26. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966)
27. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
28. Goodfellas (1990)
29. American Beauty (1999)
30. Vertigo (1958)
31. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
32. Pianist, The (2002)
33. Matrix, The (1999)
34. Apocalypse Now (1979)
35. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
36. Some Like It Hot (1959)
37. Taxi Driver (1976)
38. Paths of Glory (1957)
39. Third Man, The (1949)
40. Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
41. Fight Club (1999)
42. Boot, Das (1981)
43. Spirited Away (2001)
44. Double Indemnity (1944)
45. L.A. Confidential (1997)
46. Chinatown (1974)
47. Singin' in the Rain (1952)
48. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
49. Maltese Falcon, The (1941)
50. M (1931)
51. All About Eve (1950)
52. Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)
53. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
54. Seven (1995)
55. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
56. City of God (2002)
57. Raging Bull (1980)
58. Wizard of Oz, The (1939)
59. Rashomon (1950)
60. Sting, The (1973)
61. American History X (1998)
62. Alien (1979)
63. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
64. Leon (The Professional) (1994)
65. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
66. Life Is Beautiful (1997)
67. Touch of Evil (1958)
68. Manchurian Candidate, The (1962)
69. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
70. Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)
71. Great Escape, The (1963)
72. Clockwork Orange, A (1971)
73. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
74. Annie Hall (1977)
75. Amadeus (1984)
76. Jaws (1975)
77. Ran (1985)
78. On the Waterfront (1954)
79. Modern Times (1936)
80. High Noon (1952)
81. Braveheart (1995)
82. Apartment, The (1960)
83. Sixth Sense, The (1999)
84. Fargo (1996)
85. Aliens (1986)
86. Shining, The (1980)
87. Blade Runner (1982)
88. Strangers on a Train (1951)
89. Duck Soup (1933)
90. Metropolis (1927)
91. Finding Nemo (2003)
92. Donnie Darko (2001)
93. Toy Story 2 (1999)
94. Princess Bride, The (1987)
95. General, The (1927)
96. City Lights (1931)
97. Run Lola Run (1998)
98. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
99. Notorious (1946)
100. The Seventh Seal (1957)

Mood: happy
Music: Zeppelin - Going to California

Anyway, I'm going to go home and take a shower before I walk to my ECON final. Then I'm going to come home and pack and hopefully take a nap before driving away.

Oh, Matt, thanks for visiting me in the lab. Sorry I was kind of irritable. It was good to see you, though, and I appreciated the thoughtfulness involved in stopping by.

Everyone, have a wonderful break. Hope you all get lots of rest!



Mood: awake
Music: type type type

These are the social "lessons" I have been learning in recent days. I believe I have hurt people unnecessarily, and I am very sorry for that. There is already too much pain in the world. Part of the remedy is prevention, and I hope to both repair past wrongs and refrain from inflicting needless pain in the future.

These reflections are leading me to reevaluate many of the friendships and relationships in which I am a part, and I am realizing that I have clung too long to some and neglected others that I should have attended to. I need to learn to let go when that is the appropriate step, and to hang on when I should.



Mood: contemplative
Music: Keller Williams - Stay Human

Today is a big day. I'm going to eat turkey. It's free range turkey, but it's a big deal because I've been a vegetarian for over a year and a half. But my vegetarianism came in response to the meat industry, not in response to the idea of meat in general. I think God put humans in dominion over other animals, but I also think that we have a responsibility to treat other sentient creatures (i.e. other creatures of God) with respect and consideration.

There is a law in Islam that says, if you intend to butcher a sheep, that you have to take that sheep away from the flock so that you don't scare the rest of the flock. You also have to hide the knife from the sheep so that he won't be afraid.

I'm not Muslim, and I don't think I have ever ate sheep meat (what is sheep meat called, mutton?) but I like that idea a lot.

I think animals should be able to live a life in which they are able to use their bodies the way they were intended to be used. I think they should be able to run around and establish pecking orders and live according to their instincts. Then we humans can follow our instincts and eat the animals, as long as we kill them in a quick and relatively painless manner.

But my problem with this is that I've been a vegetarian for a year and a half without any problems. And if I can eat healthily by sparing an animal's life, should I? Is it better to be a conscious non-vegetarian who buys free range meat and organic dairy and egg products or to be a vegetarian who still buys non-organic yogurt and cheese and eggs? This is a false dichotomy, because of course I could be a vegetarian who buys organic dairy and eggs. Or I could go vegan. But then I'm just not sure how much effort and money I want to put into being a conscious consumer, because it definitely costs a lot more. I'm really quite torn.

And all of you non-vegetarians are rolling your eyes at me, and all of the vegetarians are heaving great sighs because of my lack of dedication, blah blah blah.

Haha, ok, I'm done. With that.

I am grateful for:
-my health, physically, mentally and spiritually
-the unity within my family that resulted from the life and death of a wonderful uncle
-that I have the resources that I do (well, that my dad does) that allow me to attend college
-that every day I am able to learn things that alter, enrich and refine my life and way of thinking
-that I live in a nation where, even if I don't agree with a lot of things, at least I'm allowed to speak freely




Mood: thankful
Music: Cheesy Christmas Music That My Parents Are Playing

I've smoked two cigarettes this weekend - one of Tyler's at the party, and some cloves with two of my housemates in the backyard in the dark so our other housemates wouldn't freak out, haha. I think I will not smoke for awhile, though, because two in one weekend is too much. AND! Cloves make me sooooooo dizzy. I definitely couldn't walk straight and when I came inside I felt like I was still sitting on the hammock and the keyboard felt really funny and I had to focus really hard in order to type properly. So odd. But I love that I have housemates that I can rebel with.

Rebel against what, you ask? Let me share a few paragraphs from Christianity Today, a magazine to which one of my housemates subscribes. It came in the mail this week, and I picked it up, wanting to be open to other ideas...

First, it blames Catholicism for divisions between Christian sects: "First, we find no biblical warrant for the kind of devotion to Mary that flourishes among many of the Catholic faithful. Mary's perpetual virginity (the belief that she had no children after Jesus and remained a virgin throughout her life), immaculate conception (that she was born without the stain of original sin), and bodily assumption (that she was taken body and soul into heaven after she died without seeing corruption) are extrabiblical beliefs that cannot be traced to the earliest historical memory of the church. To be sure, if God had wanted to raise Mary and take her directly to heaven without her waiting for the general resurrection, he certainly could have done so. We know that God took Elijah into heaven without death. But to declare this teaching an infallible dogma, as Pope Pius did in 1950, creates an even deeper divide between Catholics and other Christians. This is why Brother Roger Shutz, the Swiss Protestant founder of the Taize community, felt it necessary to travel to Rome to urge the pope not to take this step. Brother Roger rightly saw that this act would drive Christians further away from one another." -The Blessed Evangelical Mary, by Timothy George

Ok, maybe my Epistemology course has jaded me to terms such as "know", but I really think that "believe" ought to be used in its place. Secondly, non-canonical texts such as The Gospel of Mary, which contains many of the ideas about Mary's background that are denigrated above, were widely circulated among early Christians. If the Protestants want to argue the "earliest historical memory of the church" bit, they should all rip out Mark 16 after verse 8, because that didn't appear in the early manuscripts either. But most Protestants don't seem to mind carrying that around in their Bibles. And in fact, many cling to the dogmatic doctrine that considers the Bible the inerrant word of God. Maybe God published a post-script that I'm not aware of.

In an article about the evil that is Hugh Hefner: "The emerging soft porn carried the same stigma as the really dirty stuff, grainy black-and-white picture cards and stag reels made with old hookers and alcoholic johns. It was a vile business in an underground market. And because you had to show up to obtain it, participating in pornography meant publicly admitting that you were a pervert, even if only to a group of other perverts."

In no way do I condone pornography - I think that it objectifies human beings, women in particular. But I don't think that the viewing of regular pornography (regular meaning not child porn or bestiality) makes someone a pervert. And it makes me so angry that these people are so willing to condemn Hugh Hefner, who profits off of masturbation more than anything - a harmless activity that many may argue is actually beneficial - while supporting "Christians" in corporations that profit from the labor of children, or televangelists that support evil dictators, protecting their financial interest at the cost of countless lives.

Another article, Compassionate Evangelism by Joel A. Carpenter, discusses how an evangelical conference in 1973 Chicago began the evangelical initiative to increase social justice. "With new social responsibility being thrust upon them, evangelicals drew from the resources at hand to develop it: their Bibles, their historical memory of the days when revivalism and social reform went hand in hand, and the witness of groups that, because of racist oppression or immigrant heritage, had stood apart from the great American evangelical divorce between evangelism and social action..."

"The great surprise in this story came from two groups not known for their social action - fundamentalists and Pentecostals/charismatics. They too began to feel the pangs of social responsibility that came with growth, but the motif they chose to govern their return to the public arena was warfare against secularism, a renewal of sorts of the fundamentalist-modernist controversies. First mobilized by the Moral Majority led by Jerry Falwell, and then by the Christian Coalition founded by Pat Robertson, religious conservatives have become an important power base within the Republican Party."

The article goes on to say that you can be a political "moderate" and still be a good activist, or maybe even a liberal! As long as your thumpin' those Bibles, and supporting Pat Robertson's financial interests in Liberia, you can pat yourself on the back and say, "I'm fulfilling my social duty." As long as you're fighting against those things that matter - like making sure those queers who have a deeper love for each other than many in heterosexual marriages, and keeping a "Baptist" who sends out a mafia of drugged up teenagers out to enforce his rule over the country by raping, amputating and looting - you can change the definition of "social justice" from "ensuring basic human rights for those too weak to secure it for themselves" to "arrogantly pushing your personal beliefs onto those who disagree, while ignoring their physical and emotional needs and often exploiting their weaknesses." As long as, when you go to a foreign country, you canvass the neighborhood, knocking on people's doors and frightening them into praying your prayer, ignoring their poverty and hunger, you can go about your self-righteous life knowing that you've given someone eternal life.

Because, at this point, you've forgotten that it's actually God who saves people. You've forgotten that He can see your selfish motives through your thin veil of legalistic dogma. You've forgotten that small idea that real faith means real action: "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." (James 2:14-17)

If you can't tell, this magazine made me really angry. Sorry for all the sarcasm, and for the length of this entry. I'm pretty mad.

And I'm not saying that Protestants are bad, or that Christianity is bad. On some days, I would call myself a Christian, maybe even a Protestant Christian. I just hate the division within Christianity and then self-righteous condescension with which many Christians view other ideas and beliefs.

And now that its 4:10 am, and I have a test tomorrow for which I need to study extensively and a flight for which I need to pack, I'm going to get on that. Happy Thanksgiving.



Mood: pissed off
Music: Tom Waits - Ice Cream Man

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
"Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way."
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis, too. That's love."
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings."
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss."
"When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared they won't love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only do they still love you, they love you even more."
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, and then he wears it everyday."
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."



Mood: good
Music: Ryan Adams - To Be Young

Okay.

For the record, I'm not having an affair with anybody, nor am I dating a professor. That was a weird dream.

I'm not sleepy anymore. My sleep schedule is doomed to eternal fuckedupness.

And I've decided that I don't care if Cat Stevens was a jerk who wrote songs that seem meaningful but are just about sex. I love him anyway.



Mood: awake
Music: Cat Stevens - Two Fine People

Took this test

My Results:
1. Your ideal theoretical candidate. (100%)
2. Kucinich, Rep. Dennis, OH - Democrat (71%)
3. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (68%)
4. Socialist Candidate (58%)
5. Clark, Retired General Wesley K., AR - Democrat (55%)
6. Gephardt, Rep. Dick, MO - Democrat (55%)
7. Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat (52%)
8. Green Party Candidate (51%)
9. LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat (49%)
10. Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (48%)
11. Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat (44%)
12. Lieberman, Senator Joe, CT - Democrat (32%)
13. Moseley-Braun, Former Senator Carol, IL - Democrat (29%)
14. Libertarian Candidate (25%)
15. Bush, President George W. - Republican (22%)
16. Hagelin, Dr. John - Natural Law (13%)
17. Phillips, Howard - Constitution (7%)

I imagine my parents wouldn't be too happy, although Willie Nelson would.

I really like David Gray.

I do not really like Ancient Greek Philosophy.

My parents called tonight and asked me to send them a list of what I want for Christmas. This used to be my favorite thing to do, but ever since I realized how much my parents pay just to keep me alive and educated, I hate asking for stuff. Especially the things I WANT, like DVDs and CDs. So I asked for grown-up stuff, like a printer, shoes, clothes and a bedskirt. But then the list degenerated ... and I asked for a subscription to Vanity Fair, a subscription for Martha Stewart Living, and the Nike PSA64 MP3 player. Yeah, it's Nike, but it's killer. I'm such a hypocrite.

Ok, back to Plato Plato Plato, I hate him.



Mood: bored
Music: David Gray - Please Forgive Me

The more alone I feel, the more I start to see things in symbols -- my steps, the flower stem that falls from my guilty hand, the words I speak and hear in conversation. I wonder if this is delirium, or if it is a glimpse into reality, if this is what God sees. Loneliness is a burden both heavy and freeing; I feel that instead of binding me to the earth, that it removes me from it. Perhaps I am beginning to feel the cycles, the rhythms of the earth. But these too are symbols. Am I nearing the essence of the earth, am I experiencing reality and truth?

Or am I the stereotypical despicablerichAmerican"emo" kid too easily paralyzed by the depression in her earphones to do anything of merit with the wealth she possesses?

I feel sick thinking that perhaps I epitomize the ideas that I hate. Each day I find new hypocrisy, new treason in me, and I wonder if it wears at my potential. Then again, I don't want potential. I don't want to be a bundle of virgin good waiting for the right time to embark into the world. I want to live now, to be tainted and taught by grappling with the world. Then I want to be purified by asceticism and gnosis.

The only problem is that I want the scars from these struggles to heal aesthetically. I do not want this bitterness, this cynicism, this hatred. I want love and truth to flow through me and from me. And here I find myself torn between emotional alienation of the world in search of truth or companionship that sucks away any perspective of reality. And I can't move.



Mood: pessimistic
Music: Panic - Pete Yorn (Smiths cover)

The funny thing is that I hate it when people can't stop touching each other!



Mood: cynical
Music: bill o'reilly on fresh air

I'm making a CD for Steve from UPB and this is what is on it:
1) Rufus Wainwright - Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk
2) Astrud Gilberto - Girl From Ipanema
3) Belle and Sebastian - If You're Feeling Sinister
4) Sunny Day Real Estate - Rain Song
5) Ours - Dizzy
6) Burlap to Cashmere - Eileen's Song
7) Willie Nelson and Lee Ann Womack - Mendocino County Line
8) Zwan - Honestly
9) Pete Yorn - Rooftop
10) Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young - Almost Cut My Hair
11) Hedwig and the Angry Inch - Origin of Love
12) Gordon Lightfoot - Sundown
13) Michael Franti and Spearhead - Stay Human
14) Martin Sexton - Gypsy Woman
15) Mike Watt - No One Says Old Man (to the Old Man)
16) Keller Williams - Best Feeling
17) Natalie Merchant - My Skin
18) Postal Service - Such Great Heights
19) Cat Stevens - Two Fine People
20) Neil Finn - Don't Dream it's Over

I had my first smoking experience tonight. Andy, his flat-mate Rich, George and I went to Matt's "get drunk" themed party (and OH! Matt was drunk!) Tyler and Erin were there and Tyler had some kind of minty ciggies. So I sucked off of his, and then I tried Andy's Camel later on. I don't think I'm very good at smoking. I like it ok when I just keep the smoke in my mouth, but I don't like it in my lungs at all. Matt kept apologizing for being drunk, which I thought was funny because wasn't that the idea for the party? But then he decided that I couldn't hold his lack of sobriety against him because he had seen me smoke a cigarette. I'm not seeing the logic, but he definitely kept hugging me and everyone else. Aww, Matt :-)

I just opened my door to walk into the hallway, and there was a beetle! I gave my can of Raid to a housemate because she had ants in her room, and she hasn't given it back. So I had to squish it with my shoe. Ick. But I don't think I'm going to walk around barefoot in the dark anymore. Gross.

I have pictures for livejournal now. Hooray.

The End



Mood: sleepy
Music: Mike Watt

Quite a lot has happened since I last updated, most markably, the death of my uncle. It is still really hard for me to grasp the concept of death. I keep thinking about all the times I was impatient with his disabilities (his mumbling in particular), the times when I wrote him off even though he was trying to be my friend, the CD that I promised him but never bought for his birthday. I am ashamed to think of these things, and it seems that talking about them would only make me and my audience uncomfortable. So I try to focus on the positive aspects of this situation (e.g. how his new wife is now a permanent part of my family, how my uncle believed he was going to heaven and is hopefully in a better place with a body that doesn't ache, how the funeral brought members of my family closer together in a way that would have made him proud, how his death has inspired each of us to look at his strengths and try to emulate them - my grandma is trying to stop being critical of people because John was always so accepting and she always admired that about him.) But I feel like I come across as callous and uncaring. It hurts, but what do you say when people say they are "sorry"?

After checking into my house and moving in, I made a trip to northern VA, and hung out with some old friends. Some have changed drastically, for good and bad. One has had a few rounds of plastic surgery, is planning a few more, and, once it's all over, wants to pose for Playboy or another "classy" (re: not Penthouse) porn magazine. Outside of that, she wants to do some bondage pictures, but is looking for a photographer that "won't objectify" her. She says she is doing it as a sort of self-expression, as a kind of a healing process. This is a girl who is/was beautiful, intelligent, and incredibly unique in background and beliefs. I feel like she's trying to become "white" and, in trying to become comfortable with her self-creation, is going to end up getting hurt. Badly.

And another friend, who has always been wonderful, has evolved into the most amazing person. He's funny without being mean; he is super-intelligent and insightful; he has firm morals but is incredibly open-minded when it comes to everything else. But he has a girlfriend and lives very far away. I tried, for these reasons, not to let myself like him, but it didn't work. However, I think I did a good job of maintaining propriety; I didn't flirt with him or say or do anything that would piss a girlfriend off. But I think he figured it out by the way I was slightly giddier around him, and by the emotional distance I tried to create. So now I am just letting time run it's course, hoping that I will get over it, and learning my lessons.

I believe in signs. Not like black cats or broken mirrors or anything. But I believe that circumstances can point you in the right direction. Obviously, circumstances would say that this is not the time for me to be with him. I think, instead, that I was meant to see that, yes, there are incredible guys out there. There are guys who match up to everything I've ever wanted. So I shouldn't allow myself to get distracted by relationships with guys who only match up halfway. I don't mean that in a judgmental way. I just mean that I need certain things in a relationship (e.g. a shared moral platform, sensitivity and understanding, blatant honesty and accountability...), and not everyone can give me those. So basically, I was reminded that compromising my ideals will only lead to distraction and to people getting hurt.

And I don't want to be distracted. I've been looking at law school apps. They ask for your overall GPA as well as the GPA from your last 60 credits - basically, from your junior and senior year. I feel like, as it is the start of my junior year, I've been given a clean start, and I don't want to mess it up with meaningless and painful endeavors.

But more importantly than GPA, I'm starting to realize just how many lessons I should have learned a long time ago, but didn't because I was being stupid and boy-crazy. I have no discipline, my beliefs are in many ways superficial, and my relationships with those about whom I care most are strained. I need to fix these things and figure myself out. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, so I can go out into the world and do something that I am proud of. I feel like my life has been very lukewarm so far, because of my distraction and lack of discipline.

So I guess that these have been my thoughts in the past few weeks. I suppose they all sound really depressing, but I'd prefer semi-sad yet hopeful reality to artificial happiness. And that isn't a judgment; it's just me.



Mood: satisfied
Music: Marching Band

I got an AWESOME mattress that is soft and fluffy and got it delivered for only $35, which is quite the bargain. I also got a flip cell phone which is tiny and fits in a pocket in my new Banana Republic purse :-) Hooray. And tomorrow my Pottery Barn bed gets delivered so my room will be a room.

I don't have my computer set up. I accidentally left my monitor in my car trunk all summer long, but maybe it will be ok. It's just that my computer tower is stuck behind lots of other people's stuff in the storage facility so it won't be out until later. Don't expect me on IM.

But I have decided that Harrisonburg would suck over the summer. I've only been here a few days and already I am feeling how empty it is without my friends. Can't wait til everyone gets here!

The computers are about to restart so I'm outie. Happy happy!



Mood: chipper

Other current projects include:
1) Completing Kant's "Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals" on the recommendation of philosophy prof.
2) Completing Emerson's "Self-Reliance" for the aforementioned reason.
3) Completing 2 chapters in french review book per day so that I don't die in FR300.
4) Completing blanket that I have been knitting for my bed.

I go back to Harrisonburg on Friday, and I suppose I'm ready to get there and get moved in. I'm still enjoying all the quiet, though. I don't know if I'm ready for all the society to which the college lifestyle is conducive. Somehow, I've become an introvert in the past few years. So that's my life. It will probably become a bit more exciting in the next few weeks, and hopefully (notice the optimistic word) the excitement won't bring the negativity that I am so prone to assuming.



Mood: dorky
Music: Eileen's Song - Burlap to Cashmere

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connexion of events. Great men have always done so, and confided themselves childlike to the genius of their age, betraying their perception that the Eternal was stirring at their heart, working through their hands, predominating in all their being. And we are now men, and must accept in the highest mind the same transcendent destiny; and not pinched in a corner, not cowards fleeing before a revolution, but redeemers and benefactors, pious aspirants to be noble clay under the Almighty effort let us advance on Chaos and the Dark."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance -



Mood: rejuvenated
Music: Pianist soundtrack

Also interesting is the fact that my parents subscribe to Focus on the Family. In this issue, "Stay-at-home Dads" and "Hope for Homosexuals." In the Stay-at-home Dads article, one could read about how MEN often carry their work into their identities, and therefore, when they begin to work at home, they often struggle for a feeling of acceptance and respect. No mention of how many women must feel, forced into working from home because there is noone else to take care of the kids. I felt like I was reading that article from a 50's issue of Good Housekeeping. You know, the one that people always laugh about, with tips such as "Give the house a once over right before your husband comes home. Make sure the floor is clean, the kids are tidy, your makeup is in place and dinner is ready..." Arg.

And, I've decided I'm too cynical.



Mood: blank
Music: Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley

Sick of grandmother criticizing everything I do and prescribing "better ways" to eat, live, drive, arrange and sit, manipulating others' plans for her own convenience, singing praises of someone one week and curses the next, then calling me "critical" of her when I fail to agree with everything she says.

Glad cousins are here.

Loving The English Patient.

Sad about current tummy-ache.

Happy to have received TWO snail-letters this morning from TWO friends.

Excited about joining the E-Bay community.

Ready to be on a plane to Nebraska.



Mood: cranky
Music: Jars of Clay - If I Left the Zoo